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Essay/Term paper: The fall of the smurfs

Essay, term paper, research paper:  English

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The Fall of the Smurfs

I had hated Smurfs for the longest time. Their little blue forms
annoyed me so, and their high-pitched voices made me want to smash the TV.
So when I decided that I was going to take over their little village and
make the Smurfs pay for what they had d one, I was going to go prepared.

I bought an RV and outfitted it specially for the invasion. I
anticipated being gone for several months, so the RV was well stocked with
food and other supplies. As my main mission was to take over the Smurf
village, I carried with me a number of nets and Smurf traps, all designed
to exacting specifications, for the Smurfs were not stupid, and would
avoid any ordinary traps. I also had a "playroom" and a well-stocked
laboratory, where I would perform my experiments on my unwilling blue
subjects. One side of the RV was lined with cages, each of which could
hold two Smurfs comfortably.

I set out on the first day of spring. The Smurfs are most active
in the spring, when they run around smelling flowers and playing in the
fields and generally being nuisances. I drove all day until I reached the
borders of Smurfland. A little wooden gate, decorated with flowers and
leaves, denoted the entrance to that happy place. I got down from the RV
and kicked it over, smashing it with my foot. I then got my net and a
heavy canvas bag and went out, looking for signs of Smurf.

I found my first Smurf almost immediately. He was looking at his
reflection in a puddle and whistling the Smurf's theme song. He was so
stupid, he never even noticed me coming up behind him. I got close enough
and whipped the net over his blue form.

"Hey, why'd you do that?"

"Shut up, you little blue creep", I walked up and looked down on
him. He stared up at me indignantly, putting his blue hands at his hips.
I knelt down, got my hand under the net, and ripped off that little white
diaper thing all of the Smurfs wear. There he was, naked as sin, his
little blue dick hanging out. His hands went down to cover himself, which
I took as an opportunity to give him a good sharp thunk on the nose. As
is well known, that will knock a Smurf out for about a minute. I took
that opportunity to stuff him in the bag and carry him back to the RV. I
put him in the cage and put a padlock on it, since Smurfs are well known
for their escape abilities. I then went back out to continue the search.

Hunting was good. By the time night fell, I had captured five
Smurfs. One of them was the hated Handy Smurf, the others were just your
average stupid Smurf. I took Handy out of his cage, holding him firmly so
that he didn't squirm away.

"Hey stop that, you can't do that!"

"I can do whatever I want, you little prick", I popped him in a
large glass bottle that he couldn't climb out of. He was still naked, as
were all the other Smurfs, and he covered up his genitals with his hands

"So what's your name?"

"Handy Smurf."

"How old are you?"

"In Smurf years?"



"Get your hands up."


"Get your hands up, you blue bastard." I reached in and thumped
him on the head. His hands flew up to rub his head, which was when I
grabbed them, put them behind his back, and tied them with a twisty-tie.
His little blue dick was semi-hard, which I noted in my lab book.

"Why Handy Smurf, you have a hard-on", I said. He blushed a darker
shade of blue, but said nothing. His erection, though, grew even harder
and longer, which is to say about an inch long.

"So Handy Smurf, have you ever fucked Smurfette?"

"Have I ever done what?"

"Have you ever...smurfed her?"

"Gosh...we Smurfs would never do that!"

"Why not, Handy?"

"Because Papa Smurf would get very mad at us. No one has ever
smurfed Smurfette, its against the law."

"So...don't you want to do it though?"

He didn't answer, but he looked very uncertain. I had what I
wanted though, so I put him back in his cage. I took each Smurf out in
turn, questioning them the same way I had questioned Handy Smurf. All of
them seemed shocked when I suggested they could have their way with
Smurfette, though they all seemed interested in the idea. One Smurf,
though, refused to answer any questions. I named him Stubborn Smurf. He
ran all around the bottle, yelling, "Papa Smurf, Papa Smurf!" I got sick
of this behavior after awhile, so I decided to teach the other Smurfs a
lesson. I took Stubborn out and put him in a small vacuum chamber that I
had on a rolling cart in the lab. The door had a large window, so the
other Smurfs could look in. I rolled it over so the other Smurfs could
see inside and started evacuating the air. I had a microphone inside the
tank, so I could hear Stubborn Smurf. I expected to hear his little
screams, but all he kept saying was, "Papa Smurf, Papa Smurf!" He ran in
circles, dashing himself against the walls of the vacuum chamber. The
other Smurfs yelled encouragement, but Stubborn couldn't hear them. I was
almost starting to think the Smurfs could live in a vacuum, when I heard a
loud pop, like a balloon. I looked in and saw a thick
blue liquid dripping down the window.

"What did you do with Stubborn?" yelled Handy, his nose pressed
against the bars.

"I killed him, Handy. Stubborn Smurf is dead...he's never coming

"But you can't kill a Smurf...that's not nice!"

"Shut up Handy, or you're next." I grabbed a glass of cold water
and doused him with it.

"Papa Smurf, Papa Smurf!"

"I could see he was scared. That was good, it was my first step
towards conquering the entire Smurf village. I went to my room, the cries
of "Papa Smurf, Papa Smurf" echoing in my ears.


The next day dawned clear and sunny. I got up, made a cup of
coffee, and went into the lab. All four Smurfs were asleep. I drew a cup
of cold water and threw it on Handy Smurf. He sputtered awake and said,
"Who did that?"

"Me, you little ingrate." I ran the cup over the bars on the other
cages, waking up the other Smurfs. They woke up, joyous smiles on their
little blue faces.

"Are you going to let us go today?" they asked, their eyes bright
with promise and hope.

"No...none of you are ever going to go free. In fact, you'll
probably be working in a Smurf mine by the end of the spring."

"No we won't we won't let you, " they said in unison. Handy said,
"We'll tell Papa Smurf on you!"

"I'm going to kill Papa Smurf, in front of the entire Smurf
village, Handy. Then you can be the new leader of the Smurfs. How would
you like that? And then, I'll even let you smurf Smurfette." I could
tell he was interested.

"No...I can't do that!"

"Why not Handy, I know you want to."

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do Handy...your little dick is getting hard again."

"No it isn't...leave me alone...or I'll tell Papa Smurf on you!"
Handy started sobbing. "Why won't you let us go...we want to go smell
flowers, play in the fields, gather nuts for the village." The others
started sobbing too.

"Stop sobbing, Handy, or I'll put another Smurf in the vacuum

"NO...don't kill another Smurf...they're my friends!"

"Someday Handy...you'll be killing them yourself, just to have a
chance to smurf Smurfette."

"No I won't...I never will and you can't make me!"

"Yes I can and I will, Handy. So now, I'm going to go and catch
more Smurfs." I left them sobbing and crying for Papa Smurf.


By the time the sun went down, I had caught three more Smurfs.
One was Brainy Smurf. I took away their clothes, of course, and I took
away Brainy Smurf's little horn-rimmed glasses and smashed them under my
heel. I then put Brainy in with Handy. Handy went over and hugged
Brainy, which got them another dousing with cold water. I wanted to start
bringing them away from their touchy-feely emotional state, break them
down to the point where they'd be fighting with each other. I then put
five Smurfs in a cage, which was barely large enough to hold them all. I
rolled a TV/VCR in front of the cage and popped in a special tape. I had
taken some video of Smurfette a while back and digitally altered it so
that Smurfette was doing some really naughty thing s to herself. It
started out with her putting her little blue hand up her little skirt. I
had also added some sound effects, so the caged Smurfs could clearly hear
Smurfette's moans of "Smurf me, oh please smurf me!" The five Smurfs in
the cage had hug e erections (for a Smurf) and were soon running their
hands over their erect shafts. When Smurfette started screaming, "I'm
smurfing, I'm smurfing!", all five of them exploded in unison, blue Smurf
juice spraying all over their hands and each other as they chanted
loudly, "Smurf me, smurf me." I picked out one of the five and threw him
into the vacuum chamber. Soon I heard the Smurf running around yelling
for Papa Smurf, pleading for Papa Smurf to come save him. I had no
intention of killing this Smurf though, not just yet, so I left him there
the entire night, isolated from his Smurf buddies. The other Smurfs
started sobbing too, especially when I turned out all of the lights
(Smurfs hate the dark). It had been another good day, but tomorrow was to
begin my assault on the Smurf village.


I disdained subtlety, so in the morning I just started driving the
RV right over the Smurf's fields, running over their grains and
strawberries and blueberries and all of the Smurf's food supplies. A
couple of times I actually got to run over some Smurfs that didn't get
out of the way in time. Once, one Smurf managed to hang on to the fender
for awhile, yelling for Papa Smurf, but soon he went under the wheels as
well. I heard the pop as they rolled over his little blue head, the last
cry of "Oh my Smurf" sounding out over the roar of the engine. While I
drove, the other Smurfs were in the back watching the Smurfette tape over
and over again. Their little blue dicks were raw from so much beating
off. Handy and Brainy were trying to ignore it, but I knew it wouldn't be
long before they succumbed as well and started beating off to the video.
I stopped for lunch and went into the back of the RV. All of the Smurfs
except for Handy and Brainy were watching the tape, even the one in the
vacuum chamber was beating his little blue dick. I reached over and
turned off the VCR.

"Turn it back on, please please turn it back on!" they said in
unison, their blue cocks at half-staff.

"I'll turn it on if you'll do one thing for me, my Smurfs."

"What do you want us to do?" one of them said, his hand running
absently over his blue dick.

"I want you to kill the Smurf in the vacuum chamber there. Kill
him, and I'll give you a whole new Smurfette video to watch."

"No no we won't do it", they all said. But their cocks were saying
yes. I put a new tape in and started it up. This one showed Smurfette
taking a shower in the nude this time, soap bubbles covering her private
parts as she moaned for smurfing. Their cocks sprang to life and they
started beating off furiously, all together. I turned off the tape,
reached in and picked up the Smurf in the vacuum chamber and put him in
the cage with the other four. The four Smurfs had lust-crazed looks in
their eyes.

"Kill him for me...and I'll let you watch the rest of the video."

The sight was incredible. All four Smurfs, their eyes glazed over
from twelve hours of continuous video watching, surrounded Bottle Smurf,
as I had come to call him. He yelled at the top of his lungs for Papa
Smurf, but no one could save him as they pr essed in closer. Suddenly all
four Smurfs closed in on Bottle and begin pummeling him with their little
blue fists. "Help me, Handy", he yelled, but Handy Smurf could do nothing
but sob. I noticed that the erections of all four Smurfs grew when they
st arted in on Bottle Smurf. When one of the Smurfs, possessed by lust
for Smurfette, tore Bottle Smurf's little tail off, showering the other
three with Smurf vital juices, he came explosively, setting off the other
three Smurfs. The cage was soon splatte red with Smurf juices of all
kinds, as the four Smurfs in their lust literally tore Bottle Smurf limb
from limb. I heard a last cry for Papa Smurf before all fell silent. I
turned the TV back on and started the tape back up, and was instantly
rewarded b y the sounds of Smurfs whacking off. I connected a hose to the
sink and sprayed the cage off, washing away the last remnants of Bottle
Smurf. The other four Smurfs didn't even notice, as they were engrossed
by the sight of Smurfette running bare-ass naked through a field of
clover. Soon the chant began..."Smurf me, smurf me...", as they watched
with rapt attention. I noticed Handy and Brainy were watching now as well
(Brainy couldn't see much, but it was enough), their hands absently
stroking their ne ther regions. Leaving them to their video, I picked up
my net and bag and a 9 mm Glock and went out the door of the RV.

I had parked the RV in the middle of a Smurf potato farm. Three
Smurfs were waiting about ten feet away. One had a rake, which was the
first time I had ever seen one carry something that could hurt me. The
others didn't carry anything. I decided I was going to be careful.

"Why did you park that in the middle of my farm, I was going to
pick potatoes today," the Smurf with the rake whined. I named him Farmer

"Because I wanted to, Farmer Smurf."

"Well, you'd better leave or I'll tell Papa Smurf on you!"

"Fuck Papa Smurf!" I targeted the one to the right of Farmer Smurf
and fired. The bullet impacted him in the gut and passed through. Pieces
of Smurf flew through the air. "Help me Papa Smurf," were his last words
as he dropped to the ground face firs t, bouncing on his bulbous blue nose
before he was silenced forever.

"Papa Smurf, Papa Smurf!" the other two yelled and started running
back towards the Smurf village. I started after them, my much longer
stride catching me up after only a few seconds. I slipped the net over
Farmer Smurf and bonked him on the nose, knocking him out. I let the
other Smurf get about twenty yards away. He thought I had given up, the
idiot, and started walking and whistling the Smurf's theme song. I fired.
The hollow point bullet smashed into the back of his head, and sent Smurf
brains (which are blue as well) about twenty feet out the front. He was
one dead Smurf. I took Farmer Smurf back to the RV and put him in with
Handy and Brainy. The other Smurfs were still watching the video and I
noticed that in the cage with the four Smurfs , one Smurf had gotten
behind another Smurf and was whacking that Smurf's dick off for him.

"So you all want to go out and smurf with Smurfette," I asked.

"Yes we do!" they all said in unison, except for Farmer and Handy.

"Good. Before I let you do that though, there's one thing I want
you to do for me, my Smurfs."

"What do you want, sir!" they all said.

"I want you to go out and bring me Papa Smurf...alive. If you do
that, I'll let you see another video, and then I'll let you all smurf

Handy Smurf had not said a word during all of this, but suddenly
he got up and went to the bars of his cage and said, "Don't do it,
Smurfs...think of the village, our Smurf homes!"

"It's too late, Handy, they've gone over."

"No, they haven't. All they need is love and affection and..."

"Sex, Handy. They need sex." I grabbed Farmer by his little blue
tail and dangled him above their cage. He struggled but it was no use.
"If you don't bring back Papa Smurf, this is what will happen to you." I
opened the door to the microwave and threw Farmer in head first. "Ouch!"
he said, as he pressed his nose against the glass window in the door.
"Help me, Handy, help me!" I set the microwave on high and turned it on.
He pounded at the door with his little blue fists, crying for another
Smurf to save him, but no Smurf could. Handy and Brainy were sobbing, but
the other Smurfs had totally blank expressions on their little blue faces.
It only took about a minute. Suddenly, Farmer Smurf burst into flames, he
became a Smurf fireball! I opened the door and he leaped out, running in
circles, yelling, "Put me out, put me out Smurfs." He did this for about
thirty seconds before he let out a final cry of "Oh my Smurf!" and
exploded into a pile of dust and ash. I noted that in the lab book.

"Farmer!" Handy cried. "Why did you kill Farmer Smurf, he was my

"Because I wanted to, Handy."

"Why are you so mean to us? We never hurt you!"

"Because I want to be, Handy. In fact, I might kill all the Smurfs
but you. You'd be the only Smurf left in the whole world. You'd never
see another Smurf again, Handy. I'd keep you in a cage and make you watch
videos of the Smurfs playing and smelli ng flowers. Then I'd make you
watch videos of the luscious Smurfette. You'll never smurf her, Handy,
unless you do what I say."

"No...please don't hurt any more Smurfs!"

"Too late, Handy, you had your chance." I took Brainy Smurf out of
Handy's cage and put him in another one, isolating Handy Smurf. He rolled
into a ball and started sobbing, "Smurf me...oh Smurfs." Every other
Smurf stared blankly into space, waiting for my command.

"Ok Smurfs, I want you to do one thing for me. Bring Papa Smurf to
me...alive. Do that, my Smurfs, and I'll let you watch another Smurfette

"Hooray!" they all said, eager to be at their task. They crowded
at the doors of their cages, ready to go and find Papa Smurf for me. I
let out all of the Smurfs except Handy and Brainy. Opening the door to
the RV, they trooped out, blank expressions on their faces, whistling the
Smurf's theme song. I had attached a small camera to the cap of one of
the Smurfs, so I was able to see what they were doing. I turned a monitor
on to watch the proceedings. The four Smurfs ran towards the village,
still n aked, of course. Several Smurfs were out and about and looked at
the quartet as they ran into the village. One Smurf ran towards the
group, obviously recognizing one of them, but they walked right past him.
He started running alongside. I had a microp hone mounted on the camera
so I could also hear what was going on.

"Builder Smurf, want to go smurfing on the lake tonight?" the
newcomer asked.

"Must get Papa Smurf", they all said together.

"But...but Papa Smurf's asleep, you can't go wake him up.!"

"Must get Papa Smurf so we can smurf Smurfette."

"Hey, we can't smurf with Smurfette, that's against the law."

I had also put a small speaker inside the ear of one of the
Smurfs. I picked up a microphone and said, "Kill that Smurf for me."

"Hey...what happened to your clothes, Papa Smurf is...no stay
away...help me help me Papaaa..."

The monitor showed my Smurfs attacking the other Smurf. I saw
Builder Smurf tear the other Smurf's little blue tail off, which prompted
a new cry for help, but none came, and soon the ground was covered with
Smurf parts and Smurf vital juices. My Smurf s started towards the house
on the hill, the house of Papa Smurf. They got to the gate and swarmed
over. Papa Smurf was already waiting, having heard the commotion outside.

"My Smurfs, what is wrong? Why aren't you wearing any clothes?"

"You must come with us, Papa Smurf."

"Where are we going?"

"We have to take you to our leader. Then we can smurf Smurfette."

"What...you know that's against the law, my Smurfs. And I'm your
leader...what's happened...hey, let go of me Smurfs!"

My Smurfs had hoisted Papa Smurf on their shoulders. He
struggled, but he was an old Smurf, and he was no match for four young
Smurfs. They ran down the hill and begin walking through the Smurf
village. They had reached the outskirts when a voice call ed out, "Where
are you taking Papa Smurf?"

It was Smurfette. She had on a little blue dress with flowers.
The four Smurfs stopped and turned as one towards her.

"Smurfette, come with us while we take Papa Smurf to our leader.
Then we'll smurf you!" they all said.

"No!" She sounded terrified. "We can't smurf, you know that. Put
Papa Smurf down and I'll make you some tea and cookies."

I took hold of the microphone and said, "Bring Papa Smurf to me,

"Must take Papa Smurf, " they said as one. "But we'll be back for
you later, Smurfette! We're going to smurf you all night long!" I didn't
know if she noticed, but each Smurf had an enormous erection. They jogged
on past carrying Papa Smurf while S murfette ran inside her little house
and closed the door. Not that it mattered, I could open it for my Smurfs
if they needed it.

It only took a few minutes before I heard some little knocks. It
was my Smurfs, and they carried with them the leader of the entire Smurf
village, Papa Smurf.

"Ah, Papa Smurf, so glad you could join us, " I said, picking him

"Papa Smurf, Papa Smurf, you've come to rescue us," Handy Smurf
said from his cage. He got a dousing of cold water for that. He went
into a corner and started sobbing again.

"Let go of me, and all of my Smurfs."

"I don't think so, Papa Smurf." I opened one of the cages and
threw him in. "You see, I'm going to take over as the leader of the
Smurfs. More like a dictatorship, I guess. Anyway, all of the Smurfs
will be mining gold for me soon, Papa Smurf. You c an either continue to
lead peacefully, or die in front of all of your Smurfs. The choice is
yours." Behind me, all four of my Smurfs had gone back into their cage.
I popped in another tape. This time, it showed Smurfette being smurfed by
a 3D-Studio generated Smurf. It was all fake, of course, but the sounds
were real enough for my Smurfs. All four were beating off together.
Handy and Brainy were watching as well, and I noticed their Smurf dicks
were getting hard too.

"Don't watch, my Smurfs, he's trying to brainwash you!" Papa Smurf
said loudly. That got him a first dousing with cold water. On the
screen, Smurfette was getting it from behind. "Ohhh, make me
smurfffffffffffff!" she screamed and this time every Smurf but Papa Smurf
flooded his hand with Smurf juice. Then Smurfette turned around and took
her Smurf lover's tool deep inside her mouth, slurping lustfully.
"Oh...suck on my smurf Smurfette," the voice came from the lover's lips as
he thrust in and out of

Smurfette's mouth.

"And besides, Papa Smurf...if you don't cooperate, this is what
will happen to every Smurf." I grabbed Handy out of his cage and with one
swift motion, tore off his little blue tail. Smurf vital juices sprayed
out as Handy let out a yelp and begin call ing for Papa Smurf to save his
miserable little existence. I wasn't ready to get rid of Handy just yet,
so I took a piece of duct tape and slapped it over the place where his
tail had once been, and threw him in with Papa Smurf. Handy went over to
Papa Smurf for a hug, which quickly got both of them a cold-water dousing.
Handy started bawling like a baby when I wouldn't let him get his hug from
Papa Smurf, but I didn't care. He tried twice more, but each time he got
a glass of ice-cold water in the fa ce for his troubles.

"Pleaseee...I need a hugggg!" he cried, his little blue face buried
in his hands.

"Shut up Handy, or I'll throw your Papa Smurf in the vacuum chamber."

"Pleaseeee...Papa Smurffffffff!"

"Why won't you let me hug Handy Smurf...he's hurt," Papa Smurf
cried. He tried to get closer to Handy, who was rolled up in a corner
sobbing his eyes out, but all that got him was another glass of cold water
on top of Handy Smurf.

"Because I don't want you to hug anyone, Papa Smurf. No Smurf will
ever hug another Smurf again, unless it's like my friends in the cage
there." I pointed to the cage, where my Smurfs had formed a daisy-chain,
each Smurf whacking off the Smurf in front
of him, all chanting, "Smurf me, smurf me."

"Please let me and all my Smurfs go...I'll give you all the gold in
the village," Papa Smurf said, tears starting to well up in his eyes. I
think he was starting to see that I was no Gargomel.

"Shut up, Papa Smurf." I grabbed him and put him in a metal box.
The box only had two tiny airholes, so there was almost no light going
inside. I went to bed, Handy still sobbing as he sat in the corner of his
cage, and my Smurfs still beating each ot her off.


The next day I woke up and decided to teach Papa Smurf a lesson.
I took him out of the box and put him back in the cage with Handy, only
this time he didn't go over to try and give him a hug. Handy was fast
asleep, so I solved that by rattling my coffe e cup against the bars. He
woke up, saw where he was at, and started sobbing again. He was such a
stupid Smurf. I then grabbed Brainy out of his cage and placed him on the
lab table, telling him to stay put. After seeing what had happened to
other Smu rfs who had disobeyed me, he probably figured this was not the
time nor the place to stage an escape.

"You know, Papa Smurf...I've often wondered what would happen to a
Smurf exposed to very cold temperatures...after all, I don't think you get
snow in the Smurf village. Well, let's find out." I grabbed a pair of
tongs from a drawer. Brainy started to get up and run, but I was too
quick for him, and got the tongs around his little blue head. I held him
firmly in one hand while I unscrewed the top of a large, thermos-like
apparatus with the other. "This is a container of liquid nitrogen...let's
see wh at happens to Brainy, shall we." With one swift motion and a last
cry of Papa Smurf, I plunged Brainy into the thermos.

"Help me Papa Smuuurrrrf," were the last words of Brainy Smurf, as
the liquid nitrogen boiled around him. I waited several minutes, then
brought him back out. He was a Smurfcicle, as the liquid nitrogen had
frozen him through and through.

"I'm going to do this to one Smurf every hour, Papa Smurf, unless
you do what I say." I banged the tongs against the edge of the table.
Brainy Smurf shattered into about a hundred pieces.

"Brainy!" Papa Smurf cried as pieces of his friend tinkled on the
floor like shards of glass.

"I love the sound of dead Smurf in the morning", as I got up to
search for more victims.


By nightfall I had collected three more Smurfs to add to my
prisoners. One was the Poetry Smurf, he went into the cage with Handy and
Papa Smurf. The other two went into the cage with the other four to watch
the Smurfette video. It wasn't long before they were starting to stroke
their Smurf dicks. Poetry Smurf, on the other hand, started in almost

"Why have you put us
All in this cage
When we could be out
Gathering parsely and sage"

Smurfs are so happy
Joyous and free
As soon as you know us
I''m sure you'll agree"

"Shut up, Poet." I said as I thumped him on the head and stripped
him of his clothes. Handy was rubbing the spot where his tail had once
been and with Papa Smurf in the same cage, was trying to ignore the
Smurfette video. I looked outside and saw a num ber of Smurfs gathering
outside the RV, there must have been twenty Smurfs out there.
Unfortunatley, Smurfette was nowhere to be seen. I would attend to her
later, though, right now I was going to go out and bag as many Smurfs as I
could. Grabbing my G lock, a large net, and a little can of lighter
fluid, I stepped outside to meet the Smurfs.

"Hello there, Smurfs," I said. "It's a fine day to go Smurfing,
wouldn't you say?"

One Smurf came to the front and stood about five feet away from
me, the others held back. "Where do you have Papa Smurf?" he asked, his
little voice trembling in fear.

"I have him inside. But you don't have to worry about Papa Smurf,
I'm your new leader now."

"No you aren't!" they all said in unison. "We only follow the
great Papa Smurf...there's no other Smurf like him!"
"La-da-da-da-de-da....la-la-la-la-la", they whistled. I whipped out the
net just as they finished and threw it over the group, catching about
twelve Smurfs. Eight managed to evade the net and go running towards the
village, calling for Papa Smurf. Five never made it, as they couldn't
outrun a bullet. When I was done, Smurf parts littered the outskirts of
the Smurf village. Just for fu n, I took shots at some of their
buildings, blasting them and the Smurfs inside them apart in an orgy of
destruction that the Smurfs had never seen. Soon Smurfs were running all
over the streets, calling for Papa Smurf, yelling "Oh my Smurf" when
another one of their homes was destroyed. I walked over and found one
Smurf that hadn't been killed outright, though he was missing a leg and
his little blue tail. I picked him up and brought him over to the RV.
The Smurfs under the net had been trying to get out, but there was no way
they would be able to, the net was too heavy. I tossed the injured Smurf
to the ground and sprayed him with lighter fluid. "Ouuuccchhhhh...please
help me Papa Smurf, it hurrrts." As the Smurfs watched, I stuck a match
and lit the injured Smurf ablaze. He got up on one foot and tried to hop
to the village and the house of Papa Smurf, but he succumbed quickly to
the flames, and in thirty seconds blew up in an explosion similar to the
one that had taken Farmer Smurf. The Smurf s under the net started
sobbing and crying. I went and picked up another injured Smurf, tossed
him about twenty feet in the air, and plugged him with a bullet from the
Glock. Smurf parts flew everywhere as the Smurf blew apart from the force
of the bullet. I then grabbed one from under the net and pulled off his
little blue tail. He cried out for Papa Smurf to help him as Smurf vital
juices sprayed out from where his tail had once been, but

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